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Vintage Crater Critters

Ladies and Gentlemen... Toyzine is honoured beyond measure to have acquired the services of the World's most celebrated toy trader. By Appointment 'Seeker of Playthings' to Her Majesty's Government, principal consultant to the much esteemed British Big Boy's Toy Museum in London, and without a doubt the last of the Great Colonial Warriors, we are privileged to present to you Sir Chase Adventure - Toy Hunter to the Stars and beyond......


Sir Chase Adventure

chase adventure toy detective

Sir Chase's Dating tips for toy collectors, and all others' real world challenged`

At ease, troops!

Tip number 1:
Try to feign an interest in World affairs... this cannot fail to impress your date. Of course, try to avoid statements like 'Wow, George Bush sure is a powerful statesman... I wonder what he collects?'

Tip number 2:
Without fail, ALWAYS count to ten when your date says 'If this stuff is worth so much, why dont you sell it?'...ONE-tootsietoy TWO-tootsietoy THREE-tootsietoy...

Tip number 3:
Try not to let on to your prospective spouse that you`ve asked a friend to watch your collection while you're out. But if you do let it slip, DO NOT refer to them as 'the babysitter'.

Tip number 4:
Do NOT do your Charlie Weaver Bartender impression in the restaurant, no matter HOW good it is!

Tip number 5:
Never refer to your collection as 'the kids' ...not even your bally favorites!

Tip number 6:
Places NOT to go on a first date - Toys'R'Us closeout sale; 'Toy Story' 1 & 2 double bill; the local yard sales... all of these should be reserved until AT LEAST the second date, eh what?

Tip number 7:
When the magic starts to happen, a well-placed compliment can never fail you. Of course, praise like 'Gee honey, you remind me of Barbie's best friend Midge!' may result in a quick end to the evening's bliss.

At ease, troops! I say, those bally Toyzine fellows surely wax on a bit, eh what? A chap just tries to do his job, and they act like he's the Prince of bloody Persia! Just a matter of the right place at the right time, don't you know... but enough of all that for now. I extend my warmest welcome to you all, and hope to enliven your collected spirits with my cyber-japes and spritely-jaunts! So, without further ado, on with the show!

 

The Adventure Adviser:

The Only Option in Steam-Driven Conundrum Computation
Don't delay!
Write today! Answers but a click away!
Try the Patented and Fully Automated Adventure Adviser!

Conceived, designed and constructed by Sir Chase Adventure

Be it the simple identification of an action figure accessory, or heartfelt advice for the playworn and lovelorn, you too can have your toy dilemma solved by the Adventure Adviser.

What others have said about the Mechanical Metaphysical Marvel:

"Without the Adventure Adviser, our Space Program would be in a shambles... not to mention my GI Joe collection." - B. Aldrin, test pilot

"My marriage may be over, but thanks to Sir Chase's invention, I have found solace with a new toy." - T. Cruise, entertainer

"If only I'd asked the Adventure Adviser!" - J. Levitt, rag-and-bone merchant

So why wait? Click here to submit your question to the World's Greatest Pneumatic Problem Solver... The Adventure Adviser! >> click here to Contact Us

 

Our Latest Crises Averted:

Q.
Dear Adventure Adviser

My neighbour gave me her childhood Barbie doll recently. Do you know what it might be worth? Picture attached. M.R., Tampa, FL, USA

A.
Adventure Adviser Output:
'BZZZZZZZZZZ-HMMMMMMM-CLICK!'

Well, the bally machine says: "Value is in the Eye of the Beholder" ...no great puzzlement here, eh what? My mechanical creation means that your doll has one hard and fast value in the real world ...what you can get someone to pay for it. My advice, should you wish a professional appraisal of its estimated value, is to enlist the services of Toyzine's ValuePoint e-valuations, by clicking here. On to the next puzzle, troops!

Q.
Dear Adventure Adviser

I am an avid collector of Dinky Toys. I already have a fairly sizeable collection, but am having a lot of trouble trying to find any of the early aeroplanes (from the 1930s). I would really like them boxed. Any advice? R.M., Brighton, UK

A.
Adventure Adviser Output:

'BZZZZZZZZZZ-HMMMMMMM-CLICK!'

Well, the bally machine says: "They who seek Dragon's eggs best be impervious to Time" ...You know, sometimes I wonder why I cobbled this boiler-plated Beast together, troops! I'd get more sensible scuttlebutt out of Colonel Wilhelm Schuco after sixteen gin slings... be that as it may, my mechanical creation tells us we must be bally patient. Those boxed pre-war Dinky aircraft only show up once in a blue moon, so expect trouble in establishing their locale! My advice, place a FREE Toyzine Wanted Classified by clicking here ("Desperately Seeking Dinky" sounds jolly nice, eh what?) and regularly scour the massive archive of Ebay's online auctions. Farewell until next time, troops!

 

chase adventure toy detective

Toying with your Funny Bone:
Sir Chase Adventure's Joke Archive
"If there is one thing I shall be remembered for, let it be my jocularity." Abandon all hope ye who click to enter here! Coming soon...


SIR CHASE ADVENTURE'S - Global Directory
Tally Ho, troops! I don't know about you, but the World Wide Web often leaves me agog... with so bally many places to click, one can be forgiven for just giving up. With this in mind, it is my Duty to bring you the collector's ultimate e-map... the Toyzine Global Directory! Click here to begin your cyber-adventure... Welcome to the World!


 

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