Ladies and Gentlemen... Toyzine is honoured
beyond measure to have acquired the services of the World's most
celebrated toy trader. By Appointment 'Seeker of Playthings' to
Her Majesty's Government, principal consultant to the much esteemed
British Big Boy's Toy Museum in London, and without a doubt the
last of the Great Colonial Warriors, we are privileged to present
to you Sir Chase Adventure - Toy Hunter to the Stars and beyond......
Sir Chase's Dating tips for toy collectors, and
all others' real world challenged`
At ease, troops!
Tip number 1:
Try to feign an interest in World affairs... this cannot fail to
impress your date. Of course, try to avoid statements like 'Wow,
George Bush sure is a powerful statesman... I wonder what he collects?'
Tip number 2:
Without fail, ALWAYS count to ten when your date says 'If this stuff
is worth so much, why dont you sell it?'...ONE-tootsietoy TWO-tootsietoy
Tip number 3:
Try not to let on to your prospective spouse that you`ve asked a
friend to watch your collection while you're out. But if you do
let it slip, DO NOT refer to them as 'the babysitter'.
Tip number 4:
Do NOT do your Charlie Weaver Bartender impression in the restaurant,
no matter HOW good it is!
Tip number 5:
Never refer to your collection as 'the kids' ...not even your bally
Tip number 6: Places NOT to go on a first date - Toys'R'Us
closeout sale; 'Toy Story' 1 & 2 double bill; the local yard sales...
all of these should be reserved until AT LEAST the second date,
Tip number 7: When the magic starts to happen, a well-placed
compliment can never fail you. Of course, praise like 'Gee honey,
you remind me of Barbie's best friend Midge!' may result in a quick
end to the evening's bliss.
At ease, troops! I say, those bally Toyzine fellows surely wax
on a bit, eh what? A chap just tries to do his job, and they act
like he's the Prince of bloody Persia! Just a matter of the right
place at the right time, don't you know... but enough of all that
for now. I extend my warmest welcome to you all, and hope to enliven
your collected spirits with my cyber-japes and spritely-jaunts!
So, without further ado, on with the show!
Only Option in Steam-Driven Conundrum Computation
Don't delay! Write
today! Answers but a click away!
Try the Patented and Fully Automated Adventure Adviser!
designed and constructed by Sir Chase Adventure
it the simple identification of an action figure accessory, or heartfelt
advice for the playworn and lovelorn, you too can have your toy
dilemma solved by the Adventure Adviser.
others have said about the Mechanical Metaphysical Marvel:
the Adventure Adviser, our Space Program would be in a shambles...
not to mention my GI Joe collection." - B. Aldrin, test pilot
marriage may be over, but thanks to Sir Chase's invention, I have
found solace with a new toy." - T. Cruise, entertainer
only I'd asked the Adventure Adviser!" - J. Levitt, rag-and-bone
why wait? Click
here to submit your question to the World's Greatest Pneumatic Problem
Solver... The Adventure Adviser! >> click here to Contact Us
Our Latest Crises Averted:
Dear Adventure Adviser
My neighbour gave me her childhood Barbie doll recently. Do you
know what it might be worth? Picture attached. M.R., Tampa, FL,
Adventure Adviser Output:
Well, the bally machine says: "Value is in the Eye of the Beholder"
...no great puzzlement here, eh what? My mechanical creation means
that your doll has one hard and fast value in the real world ...what
you can get someone to pay for it. My advice, should you wish a
professional appraisal of its estimated value, is to enlist the
services of Toyzine's
ValuePoint e-valuations, by clicking here. On to the next puzzle,
Dear Adventure Adviser
I am an avid collector of Dinky Toys. I already have a fairly sizeable
collection, but am having a lot of trouble trying to find any of
the early aeroplanes (from the 1930s). I would really like them
boxed. Any advice? R.M., Brighton, UK
Adventure Adviser Output:
Well, the bally machine says: "They who seek Dragon's eggs
best be impervious to Time" ...You know, sometimes I wonder
why I cobbled this boiler-plated Beast together, troops! I'd get
more sensible scuttlebutt out of Colonel Wilhelm Schuco after sixteen
gin slings... be that as it may, my mechanical creation tells us
we must be bally patient. Those boxed pre-war Dinky aircraft only
show up once in a blue moon, so expect trouble in establishing their
locale! My advice, place a FREE
Toyzine Wanted Classified by clicking here ("Desperately
Seeking Dinky" sounds jolly nice, eh what?) and regularly scour
the massive archive of Ebay's online auctions. Farewell until next
with your Funny Bone: Sir Chase Adventure's Joke Archive
"If there is one thing I shall be remembered for, let it be
my jocularity." Abandon all hope ye who click to enter here! Coming soon...
CHASE ADVENTURE'S - Global Directory Tally Ho, troops! I don't know about
you, but the World Wide Web often leaves me agog... with so bally
many places to click, one can be forgiven for just giving up. With
this in mind, it is my Duty to bring you the collector's ultimate
e-map... the Toyzine Global Directory! Click
here to begin your cyber-adventure... Welcome to the World!
Did you get a kick out of this article?
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